Will You Dance With Me?
It's like when you arrive to a crowded place with a huge dance floor; it's festive and lively with great music playing, only no one is dancing. You hear the most epic song come on, one that you just can't sit still to, and as much as you're nervous to be the first out onto the floor, you say to yourself, "How can I just sit here?". And then just like that, you're the first on the floor. Dancing your little heart out, so alive and free.
Then one by one, others begin to follow.
Sometimes you have to be the first one. You somehow find the courage to say YES and once you do, you give permission for all to say yes too. Silently, the person that was sitting and screaming on the inside to dance to THAT SONG suddenly feels a release from their inhibition because they saw you do it. So they get up and begin to dance.
Well my friends, how about it? Will you get up and dance with me?
Many of you know that after the sudden death of our son Bo, that it took longer for me to return to teaching than I had originally planned. And oddly enough, while at the time I felt ready when I made my decision to return, I realized almost immediately that something wasn't right after my first class. It wasn't that I needed to adjust to teaching after not for almost six months - I LOVE TEACHING! And it didn't feel related to my grief or my body and spirit still healing, but rather it was an inner alignment that felt off. Way off. I suddenly realized that for quite some time now (I think almost from the beginning of my pregnancy with Bo), that I was shifting. Yes, there is an obviousness to expecting changes after losing a child, life is and never will be the same, that is for sure. But I had been and still am receiving messages of being called in a different direction; being called to "do" something else. These messages from various sources became more frequent, louder, and more insistent. They were demanding to be listened to and when I returned to teaching - it became clear that it was not the right time.
What made this in part so difficult for me is that the messages I am receiving are not super specific. I am allowed glimpses, allowed feelings of acknowledgment - yeses and ah ha moments when I pay attention to them, but aside from that, I really don't know what it is yet, what is coming for me to do. It's like being handed a puzzle with many, many pieces; only there is no picture on the box and you have only been shown a few of the pieces. It has required yet another huge leap of faith into the unknown and trust that I will be guided. I have this faith and sense of knowing that this is so.
I LOVE teaching and I LOVE teaching yoga. Yoga for me is far beyond the asana practice (yoga postures) and for years now, I aim to live my yoga fully and all of the time. The minute I noticed my inner alignment was off, I tried to argue with it. I told myself that I just needed to work through the resistance and to keep teaching my classes. But the more I ignored this misalignment, the worse it got and I realized that I was not living my yoga. And if I am not living my yoga, then how can I teach it?
So I have decided to listen to this inner voice.
This voice reassures me. It presents affirmations when I have self doubt. It is telling me not be afraid and to trust and let go. It is telling me to be patient, that all will unfold and manifest itself as it is meant to be. It is telling me that I need to create and hold space that is necessary for it to unfold.
Yes, I was incredibly sad to step away from teaching public classes without a definitive date of return (I am only currently co-leading a teacher training).
But I am no longer afraid. In fact, I am excited. I am filled with this powerful energy that makes me feel like I could move a mountain. I feel aligned, even though much of it is still unknown and this inner alignment is bringing me peace.
I am ready to fulfill my next offering of service in this life. And I am so happy to be the first one onto the dance floor! I feel alive, I feel free and I am rocking out to my favorite song and hoping that others will join me.
So I say to you, what has been calling you? What gift, what offering, what blessing do you have to give to share with others. Are you sitting in your chair, hearing your favorite song and so badly wanting to move, but the dance floor is empty? Don't be afraid, I am there. Come join me. Will you?
Will you get up and dance with me?