A Mother's Love
My precious, precious child.
You would have been one year old today.
One year ago today – we thought we would be bringing you home,
Only we learned that we would be saying good bye.
After laboring with you for quite a long while
You came so fast I didn’t even have a chance to whisper your name
I was not conscious when they brought you out
Nor during the 25 minutes they tried to revive you.
But you and I are bonded – our souls intertwined forever.
I know that my spirit was with you, as you ascended into heaven.
One year ago today
I awoke to this nightmare.
To sad faces staring over me.
I heard someone tell me that you were gone
I knew in that moment I would never be the same.
They brought you to me
Placing you in my arms
I kissed your soft forehead as tears streamed down my cheeks
I smelled your sweet skin as it gently touched mine
How badly I wished that my love for you would bring you back.
I saw your beautiful face
All ten perfect fingers and toes
You looked like an angel.
The most peaceful baby sleeping
Only this body you were born to- was to sleep forever.
There was so much love for you that day
As there is every day.
I will never forget seeing your dad hold you – so tightly to his chest.
Rocking you gently, nuzzling his face against yours
I could hear his silent pleas to God – begging for this not to be so
Your grandma and grandpa were there too
And a most loving priest came to baptize you
Never did I think so many would have to cry
Never did I see this coming and forever have to wonder why
Yet through all of this – there is grace to be found too.
You knew this was to come while I carried you
You knew that you would return home
Each and every day
You consistently remind me of God’s love
And of all the beauty and grace to be found
I see you everywhere
I see you when the sun begins to rise
And when it begins to set
I see you in your brother’s smile
And in your daddy’s eyes
I see you in the wings of a hummingbird
And in the face of an owl
I see you in the clouds
When they look like whispers in the sky
I see you in the dew on the grass
And in every glorious flower
I see you in every embrace
Hear you in every laughter
I see you - when you light up the sky with the most magnificent rain-bo
I feel you with me each day
Your gentle hand guiding me in so many things
Your sweet voice that whispers in my head
“Mama, I’m right here”
So my blessing, is that you, my child
My child of God
Cracked my heart and eyes open in ways I never knew they could
You grew my love in the fiercest of ways
And have shown me how to love others
In the purest form
You chose me to carry you
You chose me to help guide you home
You chose me to carry your message
You were born out of love and returned to love
This love that created us all
Thank you for choosing me
Thank you for the strength and courage to share your light