A Mother's Love


My precious, precious child.

You would have been one year old today.

One year ago today – we thought we would be bringing you home,

Only we learned that we would be saying good bye.

After laboring with you for quite a long while

You came so fast I didn’t even have a chance to whisper your name

I was not conscious when they brought you out

Nor during the 25 minutes they tried to revive you.

But you and I are bonded – our souls intertwined forever.

I know that my spirit was with you, as you ascended into heaven.

One year ago today

I awoke to this nightmare.

To sad faces staring over me.

I heard someone tell me that you were gone

I knew in that moment I would never be the same.

They brought you to me

Placing you in my arms

I kissed your soft forehead as tears streamed down my cheeks

I smelled your sweet skin as it gently touched mine

How badly I wished that my love for you would bring you back.

I saw your beautiful face

All ten perfect fingers and toes

You looked like an angel.

The most peaceful baby sleeping

Only this body you were born to- was to sleep forever.

There was so much love for you that day

As there is every day.

I will never forget seeing your dad hold you – so tightly to his chest.

Rocking you gently, nuzzling his face against yours

I could hear his silent pleas to God – begging for this not to be so

Your grandma and grandpa were there too

And a most loving priest came to baptize you

Never did I think so many would have to cry

Never did I see this coming and forever have to wonder why

Yet through all of this – there is grace to be found too.

You knew this was to come while I carried you

You knew that you would return home

Each and every day

You consistently remind me of God’s love

And of all the beauty and grace to be found

I see you everywhere

I see you when the sun begins to rise

And when it begins to set

I see you in your brother’s smile

And in your daddy’s eyes

I see you in the wings of a hummingbird

And in the face of an owl

I see you in the clouds

When they look like whispers in the sky

I see you in the dew on the grass

And in every glorious flower

I see you in every embrace

Hear you in every laughter

I see you - when you light up the sky with the most magnificent rain-bo

I feel you with me each day

Your gentle hand guiding me in so many things

Your sweet voice that whispers in my head

“Mama, I’m right here”

So my blessing, is that you, my child

My child of God

Cracked my heart and eyes open in ways I never knew they could

You grew my love in the fiercest of ways

And have shown me how to love others

In the purest form

You chose me to carry you

You chose me to help guide you home

You chose me to carry your message

Of hope

Of faith

Of goodness

Of LOVE

You were born out of love and returned to love

This love that created us all

Thank you for choosing me

Thank you for the strength and courage to share your light

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