Embrace It

Let's NOT hate the year 2016.

Instead let's embrace it for all its got.

Yesterday, I was pretty pissed off at the universe. I was beginning to feel that it was noticing my efforts of navigating through pain and loss with Grace, and it wanted to challenge me even more.

As if somehow it was out to personally get me and prove to me that it could in fact break me after all. You see last year at this time, I had an incredibly sick child that sent us to the hospital more than once and we were at the same time eagerly awaiting the arrival of our second son, whom we would later learn would be taken from us. And as if the memory of all of this and our son's anniversary setting quickly upon us wasn't enough, our first born child woke up sick on Christmas. And instead of enjoying our outdoor plans for the week - is still home sick with a nasty cold.

So yesterday, just yesterday, I'm throwing my hands up in great frustration, shouting that I am done dealing with this........... I wanted to scream at the universe for all of my suffering.

I wanted to scream for my child's suffering who can't understand why he's so sick.

I wanted to scream at people who are mourning a celebrity because damn it, I LOST A CHILD.

And then it hit me. My son is not sick because he was sick last year.

It is not some malicious attempt by the universe to single me out and cause me greater suffering. Because I'm looking around and witnessing all the despair from so many.

So then, is the universe conspiring against all of us to make us suffer? NO!

This is not some plot to torture humans.

2016 did not decide to be a horrible year and a painful year of loss.

WE DID. There is loss every year. There is always loss and there will always be loss. We has humans try so hard to ignore and deny that nothing is permanent. We constantly find ways to run away from things that hurt us. We yell, we get angry, we try to get rid of it - like it's some disease we can make go away and never experience again.

Don't do this.

Don't run.

EMBRACE it. Embrace ALL OF IT. Because it can teach you something.

What good does it do to say F*ck you 2016 and then turn your back on it trying to forget it ever happened? This will only bury your sorrow, embed it deep into your bones. You will think you got rid of it, but it will be hidden deep in your cells. You will turn the page and see 2017 printed on your calendar and breathe a big sigh of relief. You'll say to yourself, it's over, it's finally over. But WHAT IS OVER?

What caused you to hate 2016, what caused you pain - did not go away. Before I go on, let me clarify that I am not implying that there is not importance and significance to a healthy release (another blog for another day) - there is.

But to release anything, you have to embrace it first.

You have to be willing to be friends with it and see why it is there.

You have to first see what has to teach you.

My friends, we've all lost many, many things. I've seen and experienced myself many losing jobs, loved ones (including our animal friends), homes, a sense of security, a sense of peace, health and much, much more.

But I know through my own horrific losses, that I also received.

I received the blessing of hope. I received the goodness and purity of love. I received the sweet support of community and the unending compassion of so many. I received light in the darkest of days. I received laughter during my flood of tears. I received strength when I felt I was at my weakest.

All of this, all of it - is nothing but love.

LOVE is abundant, it is behind all things. It's behind every human experience and every human exchange. You don't need to find, for it is already there. You only have to be willing to receive it and to give it. In the middle of swearing at your pain - stop and feel it. You only feel the pain you are feeling, because you know that amount of love equally as well.

Please, stop running.

2017 will come on it's own. Let your final days of 2016 be the days you finally stop. Stop to sit and feel. Feel it all. Cry, scream, laugh, be silent, be still.

Ask it. Ask what you were supposed to learn. Ask how to carry with you what is to serve you in the coming new year. And then ask your heart to open and remind you how to love. Ask your heart to shine the light that each soul contains. Ask your heart to bring courage to each step along your path. To never forget all of these things. And ask to close this year with love, not fear or hate or sadness. For only THIS will bring lightness into your new year.