Heaven's Rain-Bo


Today somehow became the day.

It's been 8 months and 8 days since you said good bye

And today, was the day I randomly decided to look at some of your belongings

To finally go to the corner I’ve silently avoided

There’s a curiosity of mine to know why today, of all the days

But does it really matter?

One could say, of course it would be on the 8th day of the 8 month

Because that was your day, they would say

The 8th of January, the day you were estimated to arrive

Only you didn’t come on the 8th

You came on the 18th instead

I always thought the date Jan 8 was so perfect

For being the baby of a yogini and all

The number 8 stands for infinity, the unending impermanence of all things

But the 18th will do. Eighteen is 10+8, is it not?

And you know what the yogis say about 108:

There are 108 lines of energy (nadis) converging to form the heart chakra

Renowned mathemeticians of the Vedic culture viewed 108 as a symbol of wholeness

There are 108 Upanishads and 108 marma points.

The Angels have their words about 108 too:

Number 1 lends its energy of new beginnings

Number 0 carries the vibrations of the “God force” and Universal Energies

Number 8 resonates with a desire for peace and a love of humanity and world transformation

Astrologists and others have their say as well:

108 is the division of a circle

The distance between the earth and the sun is 108 time greater than the diameter of the sun

The diameter of the sun is 108 times greater than the diameter of the Earth.

The distance between the earth and the moon is 108 times greater than the diameter of the moon

Ancient texts said the universe is made up of 108 elements

And there are 9 constellation and 9 arc segments, 9 x 12 = 108

So this is my son Bo

Who arrived and left us on that day of 18

And today, without a thought, without a plan

I went to the corner of my son’s room

The corner that has been avoided for all of this time

And I began to look

I began to touch

I began to sit with him and all of his things

I looked at the bag of diapers that he never got to wear

The handmade blanket that never got to tuck him in

The soft cloths that will never touch his skin

The toys that will never touch his hand and cause him to squeal with delight

I looked at the notes and cards filled with excitement and eagerness to meet him;

But now we have to wait

We all must wait

To meet him again someday in heaven

I know he’s there

For he talks to me almost every day

He breathes joy into other people’s hearts

They feel him, they see him, they hear him too

He loves everyone that way

The impact of his presence will never fade

His spirit now a guiding force

His work was complete, so his time was short

But my work,

My work is not done

I have much to do and share to inspire love

His existence and memory is not just for me

It’s for all of us

It’s his way of helping me to bring awakening

To remember where we came from

To remember our soul’s purpose

So I must rise

I must do the things that are most difficult

The things that cause us all to run away, I must stay

We all must stay.

For the only way out is the way through.

We cannot go around, we cannot go above,

We can’t pretend it’s not there or simply wish it away

We have to sit and breathe it.

Breathe it until it feels like it’s choking you

Because only then will you feel it release you

I had to put my son to rest

Something a parent should never have to do

It’s a pain so brutally raw and jagged

A pain that tears everything on the inside apart

It’s the most vial and wretched taste that life could ever bring

But sitting with the pain brings me peace too

It reminds me daily of the strength, fullness and ferocity of love

Love is and will be the only thing to conquer all

For the sake of goodness and grace

God’s rainbow is this reminder of the greatness of love

Of the promise of the covenant between God and us and all of the earth

God added another to shine rainbows down on this earth –

Our son became Heaven’s newest Rain-Bo

Exquisiteness and purity manifested everywhere for all to see

These little rain-Bo’s always dancing around me

So please don’t despair

In whatever causes you great challenge or pain

There is a rain-Bo for you too

Shining upon you and within you

Rain-Bo light that is the spark of divinity

Light that is the grace of God

Light that will hold you and comfort you

And Light that will lead the way

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